Warne gets 700

As a postscript to my last post, forgot to mention that we played a game of collecting silly place names in Kiwi-land. There's loads of them, including Paki-Paki, Pukepuke, Whappapapa and Wanganui to name but a few!

Melbourne is living upto its reputation of providing 4 seasons in one day and so far it has mostly beeb autumnal. As those who sat through the test highlights will have spotted, we have had a bit of rain which has made it feel like Xmas back home. Last time we were here, the weather was 40 degrees on Xmas day in 2002, so it was quite a contrast.

The test match can be glossed over as I don't think that there is anything to add to 3 days of complete misery except for the morning of day 2, when we had the convicts at 86-5. Managed to tick another lifelong ambition today which is to be picked out by the cameramen and be shown on the big screen at the ground. I hope the Chobham cap stood out on any highlights and if anybody saw it back home? I'm aware that the cameraman probably picked out the young lady with the colossal carambas behind me to focus on, although they might have been playing spot the whitest man in Oz?

The head was very sore this morning and I don't think Liloushka surfaced until 11am this morning as we both suffering the excesses of a night out with the Hoogmeister. Chobham's other overseas player of 2004 was in fine form and wished to remembered to all who had the pleasure of watching him attempt to bat or bowl darts. Jenny, you'll be pleased to hear that Ben has kept his physique intact (unlike his porky mate Tim) and we've got some great pictures for you when we see you!

In fact it will be quite a social week as fellow Wanderer fans Ian & Helen are in town and then Lila's other sister Louise & Alex arrive later on today, so we're certainly not short of people to see. All I need is the cricket team to stop ruining my hols and this would be turning into a super experience, although the early demise today has given me two unexpected sight-seeing days which I'm sure will earn me bonus points with Lila. I think a visit up the Rialto tower beckons.

And finally good to see that I go into 2007 in second place in the fantasy league. I hope that the rest of the league pull their socks up and try and give Don and I some competition next year. And Chris Waldron, what's going on? You're dropping quicker than Flintoff's batting average!

We fly to Sydney on New Year's eve and are both very excited about our 5 course banquet overlooking the fireworks on the harbour bridge. It should certainly beat the Jaipur in Woking as a view.

Happy New year all

ps When will get to see any major English landmarks? I've seen Warne get 700 test wickets, Tugga get his 10,000th test run and watched the connies get the Ashes. I must be a jinx.

Happy Xmas!!

First of all to say happy Christmas to everybody back home! Hope you have a lovely restful day and enjoy your holidays. Secondly, somewhere in a bar in Ilkley, the Skipper will be drowning himself in Tetley's to celebrate another passing of a year of his life...sorry I'm not there, but I hope that you and Phyllis have a goodnight. Chappers, if you're up there, can you buy the young whipper snapper a beer from me?

Pleased to report that the sun came out and the cloud lifted on Friday and revealed New Zealand to be the most spectacularly stunning place on earth. The countryside is just amazing! Think Wales, but without the male choirs and Wrexham lager and put in on a much bigger scale. It is just incredible, miles upon miles of rolling green hills, volcanic mountains and crystal clear lakes. We got upto Lake Taupo and saw the Huka Falls, the Craters of the Moon (A geothermal region, where the ground literally smokes - in fact Skipper, I would have for once, loved one of your ever so interesting lectures of igneous rock formation at this point for a change!), and thankfully the blue sky enabled us to climb to 15,000 feet and jump out of a aeroplane with little but a knapsack and a trained instructor for company.

Breath-taking is not the word! You are desperate for it to stop, just so you can take in the views, but unfortunately gravity has the effect of pulling you down to 5,000 foot in a minute 10 and then you get 4 minutes of parachuting. By this time, I was stone deaf as the pressure difference had caused my ears to fail, but it truly was an amazing feeling! I'm sure Lila will bore you all with the DVD that she had filmed off her coming down in due course (all set to Guns n Roses as a musical backdrop)...we're were buzzing for the rest of the day!

Then it was back to tin-can for a drive back down the north island, where we pretended to be Hobbits at the base of Mount Doom. Sorry, David you would have loved to have seen it. You can see why Peter Jackson choose NZ as the setting for Middle-Earth. It's just as the book describes.

We've just got back to Wellington and are planning to have a celebratory drink or two. Not for Christmas, celebrating that we manged to survive 4 days in a 2-berth without causing serious damage to each other! Then, it's back to Melbourne on Christmas day to see Warney retire and England lose the Ashes 3-2.

Have a good christmas all

Ant/Swiss/Rigsby/Bally/ Casper

ps Chelsea, huh. Looks like a weekend in South Wales in late February beckons. I can't believe my brother has booked a skiing holiday that will mean that I miss the 2nd leg! You owe me big time Bro!

It's just like being back home!

No cricketing disasters to report on, but one fantastic footy result! Wycombe in the semi-finals of the Carling Cup with Spurs/Chelsea and Arsenal or Liverpool, It's like 2001 all over again. Fantastic result boys and shows what a jinx I am when I go to live sporting events! Perhaps I should stay away more often?

Anyhow, no travel problems getting from Perth to New Zealand, had a great view of Sydney Harbour bridge as we landed in NSW and even had time to have a few pops overlooking the city as we waited for our connection. New Zealand apparently is beautiful, and when the clouds lift and it stops monsooning, perhaps we'll be able to enjoy it as it is throwing it down! Not usually a problem, but when you're living in a tin-can for a few days and it rains incessantly all night...bit tricky to sleep.

We've just arrived at our second campsite and have a beach-side view in Napier. Although you wouldn't know it from the gloomy view outside the back of the van! Not convinced that we're both entirely cut out for the "outdoor" life, but we're coping with the chemical toilet and campsite showering facilities with a "always look on the bright side of life" mentality!

We're thinking the chances of doing the planned sky-dive over Lake Taupo tomorrow might be in doubt as the forecast is poor and I really don't think you're supposed to entrust your life to a sheet of polythene in 80 mph winds! Ho hum, it would be great if we could get up there as I've always wanted to do a sky-dive.

Up the Monty

ps, Zulu, thanks for your posts, you're right life could be worse..I could be a South African cricket supporter. Think how bad you'd feel if all your best talent got exported abroad... Any more Pietersen's up your sleeve?

Roll on 2009!

Not a lot to say really, we have been soundly beaten by a much better organised side. The first hour was hugely enjoyable as Freddy got himself into some kind of form with a quick fire 50, hitting Lee for 13 in one over and then Clark for three consecutive fours in the next. After he got out, surprise, surprise we were skittled very quickly, losing the last 5 for 14 runs.

You should make a note to watch the highlights tonight if anything for Jones the Glove's dismissal. In medieval times, they would have put him in the stocks and pelted him with rotten veg for a week....unbelievable it was. If any of the Chobham boys did that, they would struggle to be picked the following week! It was shocking to see such amateurness at the top level.

The only talking point after the game was the rather excessive celebrations that Fat boy Warne did in front of the Barmy army...perhaps being harrangued for the loss of his hair and his wife for the last four weeks had wound him up a little!

The only consolation is that in 2009, Bell, Cook, KP, Strauss will be fully fledged test cricketers, whilst the Aussies will be looking for replacements for Hayden, Langer, Martyn, McGrath, Lee, Warne and Gilchrist. Perhaps by then Lord Vaughan will have had his knees replaced and we can get back to the natural order of things!

Carry on up the Monty

Hopefully they won't be gone for another 16 years...

I do hope that in 24 hours time somebody will be able to send me a text or e-mail throwing the title of this chapter back in my face! 300 runs to get, 5 wickets left and/or 90 overs to defend...I think I know the answer before I turn up tomorrow. Although on the plus side, I really didn't think that there would be a 5th day in Perth, All due credit to belly and Captain Cook for a tremendous second wicket partnership of 170. In fact I'd go so far to say that today has been the most enjoyable day's cricket I've watched so far this series.

I was really impressed that the two youngsters showed some real grit and intelligence in pursuit of this rather large total. Obviously disappointed that Cook got out with 3 overs left, but he was clearly shattered from 6 hours batting in 36 degree temperatures. I was a little more disappointed with Strauss' dismissal the previous night, I do hope that Rob has put together a Rudi Voodoo doll that you can stab to your heart's content! Hopefully it will be the last we see of the South African umpire this series and the ICC might send him out to retire with Darrell Hair!

It was a shame on Day 3 that we bowled fairly well, but the luck went with Hussey (3 dropped half chances) and Gilly was in unstoppable form. In fact, I was a little disappointed that he didn't break Sir Viv's 20 year record as he thoroughly deserved it for some monster hitting.

I read from the press that Fletcher is coming under increasing pressure back home. I really hope that the ECB do the sensible thing and keep him in post. Ok he has made some duff selection decisions this tour, but he has got England from bottom to 2nd ranked country in the world during his 7 year reign, which shouldn't be forgotten. I hope that the ECB do the same as the Aussie cricket board and give a tested unit the chance to put right the errors and poor showing from what a been a massively disappointing tour. Ponting was allowed to regroup with the same squad and coaching support and look what happened. However I fear there will be a mass clamour for change in the press and the weak-willed ECB will succumb to populist pressure.

On a personal note, I had some very sad news this weekend with the loss of the family cat Biggles. The old boy had had a good innings of 17 and a half, but ill health failed him at the end which is to be expected with a cat that old. He has been a part of my life from before I went to University, which I don't need reminding is some time ago, so I have felt very down today. Ma & Pa, I'm sorry I can't be around but hope you come to terms with our loss.

Liloushka will be experiencing her first day's test cricket tomorrow so hopefully KP and Freddy can both notch up 150s and we can go on a 24 hour bender to celebrate! Oh, actually we have a 10am flight on Tuesday to Wellington, New Zealand so perhaps we'll have to take it easy! Yes, this is the part of the holiday where we really test our relationship and see if we can cope in a motorhome for 4 days. Lila has been press-ganged into chemical toilet detail if I do all the driving. We also get the chance to do a 15,000 foot sky-dive over Lake Taupo next week, so If I don't post for a few months, it cos I is shacked up in a Kiwi hospital in intensive traction therapy.

Up the Monty

Ashes legend ...Monty Panesar

Did I not say....Did I not say. I've been telling you, nobody would listen would they! Monty was the man to cause the damage in this Ashes and he's been picked way too late. Batting, bowling, fielding, not quite sure how to wave back when fielding in front of the army. The lad has it all.

Chances are this one has gone pear-shaped as well due to another inept batting display, KP and the turbanator excluded. Although V-c Hilditch did get another shocking decision, so let me focus on other things.

Lila and I have had a very child-friendly week and Aunty Lila has made herself very popular by buying the children a trampoline, which has worn the kids out much to Sarah & Garf's relief. We've taken the kids to the zoo and fed the kangaroos (including a number of albino roos, which made me feel very at home in the pen!), Lila has been for a ride on the camels (I declined, having had the experience in Gran Caneria previously and gotten covered in dromedary flob) and we've had a couple of lovely nights out. One watching the sun dropping over Rockingham's coastline from a beachside restaurant and one catching up with the lastest Bond release. Very good, was the considered opinion and Daniel Craig made for a very believable 007, although the scene in the chair with the knotted rope left me a little uncomfortable.

Sarah & Garf have now disappered to Tasi for the week, so we have their rather impressive 4 bedroomed house to ourselves to trash whilst they're away. I'm sure Sarah won't mind if we have the neighbourhood round for a "meet the family" session. Have to say that it is very nice to be out of hotel accomodation for a short while and be back in relaxing furnishings. Thanks so much for making us welcome guys, it's been good to put the final piece of the Pleban jigsaw into place.

Sister-in-law, I hear that you've managed to rick your back, so hopefully you'll be back on your feet soon. Any excuse to get out of preparing Xmas buffet I'm sure! Bro, I trust that you're doing your bit to help out and not sat around with your feet up in front of sky channel 556?

Unilever ladies, I am still impatiently awaiting shots from the Xmas do..please do send on forthwith! I know that the event was probably lacking a little ginger flair, but I hope that you had a nice time without me. Sparky, did you get to bounce on Santa's knee?

Up the Monty!

http://www.lost.eu/d787

Not quite sure what the title is about but Brett seemed quite keen to advertise it...

So, what's new....Got to Adelaide airport and walked in with Matty Hayden who didn't seem to have any problems with carrying in his own very heavy bags. This was in stark contrast to the 16 premadonnas who were also checking in on my flight who had a lot of minions running around carrying their kit bags. It was another obvious indication of the mindset between the two sets of players.

As anybody who has flown with me knows, I insist on an aisle seat within 2 0r 3 rows of an emergency exit, but unfortunately I wasn't able to secure this request on this occasion as the entire area had been booked out by the England cricket team. Good to know that in the event of an emergency, they would be able to get out before the rest of the fare-playing passengers. So there I was 5 rows back from the boys, who by the way are incredibly muscular and very large (Flintoff is a monster of a man!), and had the privilege of being sat next to the legendary Peter Baxter (Producer of Radio's Test Match special). We had a fascinating chat on the way over to Perth and I have to say I was a little lost in admiration for a man who's voice I have grown up with and has a job that I would walk over hot coals to do.

Was very excited on arrival as the lovely Liloushka was there to meet me and it was rather jolly decent to catch up with the old bird. I've been in the sun for 3 weeks and not got burnt once, she's been here for 10 minutes and looks like a Hiroshima survivor. We had a lovely night and stayed at the Antipodean branch of the Pleban family where we partook in traditional convict cuisine. ie some 'roo on the barbie and some amber nectars in the fridge. Just time in the morning to meet my new nephew Felix (I know there's no legal or marital tie that makes him family, but everybody in the Clan seems to be calling me Uncle Ant, so I guess that makes him a nephew of sorts?) before we headed off for a three day stay in the Margaret River wine region.

Victoria, I can see why you liked this part of the world so much, it really is just one massive wine lake that they can't sell off quickly enough! We had the most fantastic forest cabin accommodation, totally secluded from the rest of civilisation and was the perfect relaxed start to our holiday together (http://www.thegrovevineyard.com.au/aboutus.php). Somehow we ended up in the Honeymoon chalet, but don't get too excited...no news on that front still this decade.

Very amused to see in the supermarket that you can actually buy coon cheese over here, we just wouldn't get away with that back home!

Hope all is well back home
Up the Monty

I want to come home.....

Yesterday perfectly summed up twenty-first century british life for me. There was no pride, no passion, no fight and we thoroughly deserved this ritual embarrassement. Somehow, these over-paid players still managed to take little responsibility for the abject failure that they have laid at the country's door. It was of a little surprise that the only person out of the 11 who took credit (yet again) from yesterday was the only person who has working class roots and has consequently had to fight for his place in life. The other ten, if my knowledge is correct, have come from fairly comfortable middle-class backgrounds and you could see that they lacked the backbone for a fight.

If you look at any aspect of modern British life, be it our continuing under-acheivements in football, cricket, rugby or tennis. There is a clear parallel to a generation of kids who have grown up being patted on the backs for doing nothing of note and then we wonder why they grow up and only aspire to mediocrity. The Thatcher government managed to sell off our their playing fields so that a handful of property developers could walk away with millions and yet the nation suffers in sport as true talent didn't have the opportunity to emerge and we wonder why?

In british office life, I've encountered hundreds off candidates who demand excessive salaries and deliver very little in return and all because "market forces" mean they can dictate these ridiculous sums. Yet again British indutry has to suffer so that the individual can have their slice of the cake.

It was so frustrating to suffer this ignimony in person and I fear that the characters in the side don't have the spine to recover from the crushing blow their fragile overpaid egos has taken. Perhaps if Flintoff had spent more time reading the stragies of cricket rather than doing 80 corporate events last year his field placing wouldn't have been so lacking in nous. I'm sorry to be a "told you so", but I did say to anybody who'd listen that he was the wrong man for the job. Vaughan won us the Ashes because he is a naturally competitive winner who doesn't aspire to second best. Flintoff is a talented cricketer, but have a look at his averages to see how really good he is. It's not that special, but again our media has somehow made him into this god-like figure in the same way that they did with Athers, when the reality is a little different.

Brett, thanks for your post, it did make me laugh..probably the only thing in the last 24 hours that has put a smile on my face!

On the plus side, I fly to Perth today to meet up with the lovely Liloushka. Perhaps I can start to enjoy my trip for a week without having it wrecked by the cricket team

Yours disgusted and embarrassed from Adelaide

Up the Monty....Please, please play him Fletch. ( I bet Lehmann will do when he takes over!)

Adelaide Day 2,3 & 4

Let me start by saying congrats to John & Ruth for the arrival of baby Isobel on Saturday night. Terrific news for the pair of you and hope all are well in Abingdon.

Liloushka has finally arrived in Perth, 14 hours later than anticipated and not really enjoyed the 36 hour journey care of Qantas. They even managed to get her special needs food requirements wrong, so she's not a happy girl. At least they threw in a courtesy night-stop in Singapore so that she could temporarily unwind. Most painfully she therefore missed her nephew's first birthday party, so I'm thinking an upgrade an the way back is the least they can do!

Pleasing to report that the cricket is going much better over the course of the Adelaide test. Colly becoming the first pom for 70+ years to score a double-ton in Convictland. I'm glad that he and KP took my advice to heart and played sensibly through the 90s and both went onto big scores. I hear that they were up to five in the morning in the Tory heartlands, which was a remarkable display of support or just an indication of a work-shy slacker who doesn't have to get up in the morning!

The pitch is doing very little, making Hoggy's bowling display on days 3 & 4 all the more remarkable. Although runs are not easy to accumulate quickly, hence the slow scoring rates. In fact the curator (Groundsman in our language) is getting a lot of bad press for a very dull wicket. Providing we bat sensibly in the morning session, a draw should be very achievable. If all goes well, Flinty might even fancy putting the Aussies in for an uncomfortable 30 overs at the end and try and get some moral victories ahead of Perth.

Apart from the obvious highlights on the pitch, most pleasantly was the sight of the dwarf having words with members in the pavilion who abused him as he was out cheaply on Saturday night. Contrary to popular opinion it wasn't me singing "Hey-ho, Hey-ho it's off to the pavilion we go" as he stormed past that set his angry tirade off

Up the Monty

Adelaide day 1

Don, you would have been in your element yesterday morning, woke up to a full scale industrial rally going on outside the hotel. Apparently the convicts are not chuffed that John Howard has started removing unionised negotiated contracts from the work place and the soft lefty lot are up in arms about it. I was disappointed that you weren't at my side as I'm sure you would have thoroughly enjoyed sharing your views with this unwashed mob.

Got to fulfill three life ambitions in the last 24 hours, which was quite an achievement. Saw test cricket at the world's most beautiful ground the Adelaide Oval. Went to Sir Don Bradman's museum and saw the real Ashes on display. The latter is a bit of an Elgin marbles story, but it was thought provoking to see the tiny urn in the flesh, well ok behind bullet-proof glass.

The Adelaide Oval is superb and feels how a cricket ground should be. You're close to the action and the stands have character rather than just being a modern stadium like at the Gabba or the MCG. You really feel like things haven't changed since Larwood was pounding them in to McCabe & Woodfull. The Cricket was excellent for a pleasant change, hopefully Colly can go on this morning to complete a well deserved ton and with KP and Freddy still to come, the prospects are looking good for a big score. The Aussie Media are coming down hard on Punter for under-bowling Stewie Clark when he was the only bowler looking like causing trouble. The Aussie do have some weak links in them and the capataincy of everybody's least favourite Tassie is up amongst them.

Had a great night with Lloydy last night, when I met up with him he had been, in local vernacular, "getting it on" for the last 10 hours, so was slightly less coherent than your average Aussie. I might get some sense out of him today in the colder light of day. He was claiming that it was the most boring day's cricket he had ever been to...that's the problem with these Aussies, sometimes they don't understand that cricket is a game of chess and sometimes you have to grit it out as Belly did so well.

I hear that Wycombe went and knocked themselves out of the FA cup last night. Doh! I guess we can concentrate on the League and the proper cup now.

The lovely Liloushka travels to Perth tonight, so only 5 days till I see her again...and still counting. Unfortunately she's had a travel delay at Heathrow already which is not the kind of start you want to a 24 hour journey and the signs are that she will miss her onward connection in Singapore...not a happy girl!

Most go, 2nd day beckons
Up the Monty (Why's he not playing again...will somebody please explain that one to me?)